I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my life anymore. Katarina was the one thing that anchored me to this world, gave me a sense of purpose. I thought she was pure, good, kind, loyal—someone I could trust, someone I could rely on forever. I believed she was different. But now, all of that’s gone. And I’m lost.
Now I’m here, stuck without anything to hold onto, trying to figure out how to find a drive within myself, how to become a better person on my own. Everything is on my shoulders now. This is it—my final chance. My life is at its halfway point, and if I want any kind of future, I have to start working twice as hard.
Part of me just wants to get comfortable. I want a decent life where I don’t have to struggle, where I can afford the things I desire, and I don’t have to worry if I’ll make it to the next paycheck. At my age, that needs to be a priority. Katarina abandoned everything we had, and now I can’t trust her. So, I’m left here with the decision of what I want in life.
The answer is clear, though: I need to focus on my health and my career. Those two things need to take first and second place. Hobbies, interests—those can come after.
One thing I’ve been thinking about today is using my Facebook platform, which has grown to over a thousand followers, to get some help with losing weight. Maybe I can start posting content about my weight loss journey. Health is such a big focus for me now, and maybe sharing that journey will not only help me but also build something bigger on that platform.
Then, there’s my job. If I can work hard and stay committed for the next few years, I might be able to springboard to a facility manager position. That’s something I could see myself doing for a long time, something that could bring stability and success. I have to keep my head down and focus on this.
I can’t help but feel like something bad is coming in the next few years—something big that will change everything in the USA. I need to be ready. I need to make sure I can survive whatever’s coming. By that point, I’ll be pushing 50, and things will be hard.
Katarina has made it clear that she doesn’t care about her future with me. She’s not loyal to me. She’s found someone else to love, and I have to accept that now. It’s just me. I’m the only one left who can take care of myself and make sure I’m ready for what’s ahead.
I have to survive this. Whatever it takes.