Today, I made a decision. One month from now, almost exactly seven years after we first met, I’ll be returning to the Breeden Inn. Alone.
It was spontaneous. I booked the reservation for the closest Saturday I could to that original date. It feels surreal—knowing that I’ll be retracing the steps of our first adventure, but this time without her. It’s going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I also know it’s something I need to do. It’s the only way I might finally be able to let go.
In a handful of days, I’ll pack my bags and prepare for this journey. I’ll stay at the inn by myself, visiting some of the best places we stayed at during our first adventure. But this time, I’ll be looking for a few new places too—places I’ve never explored, places we never had the chance to see together.
I already know it’s going to be incredibly hard. Everything about it will be a reminder of what we once had. But I need to do it. I need to plan out the trip, just like I did when we first met. Back then, I would make detailed maps, carefully selecting locations we would visit. We’d go to each place, take pictures, and post them online. It was so much fun. Those were some of the best times of my life.
This time, I’ll do it alone. I’ll revisit each place, and maybe through that, I can start to heal. There’s a lot of work ahead of me though. South Carolina has almost fifty counties, and I plan to visit each one. That means fifty trips, but if I stay committed, I believe I can do it. Maybe if I knock one trip out every other week, I’ll finish within two years. Hopefully, I’ll be done before I turn forty—that gives me about a year and four months.
The thought is both overwhelming and exciting. This project, in a way, feels like the last thread tying me to her. If I can complete it, maybe I can finally let go.
While at work today—one of my last days at the entertainment center, a place full of noise and distraction—I made the call. The Breeden Inn picked up. I hadn’t thought it through entirely, but something in me knew I had to do it. So I booked the room.
Seven years later, almost to the day, I’ll be standing in the same place where one of our first major adventures began. But this time, it will be different. This time, it’s just me.