Canoodling

Letter to Katarina



It doesn’t matter anymore. I love you. I just hate myself so much for losing you. I knew, without a doubt, that you were my soulmate. You had me—completely. All I ever needed was for you to come back and be my girl again. Save me, like you did before. You saved me once, and I owe everything to you.

All I wanted was for you to come back and show me that you were still there. That’s all I needed. The world was yours in return. I swear, you’d never have to go without anything you desired. All I ever wanted was you.

Now, I’ll die alone. Every single day, I’ll think about you, missing you, wishing you were still here. I’m sorry I bothered you. It won’t happen again. Goodbye. I do love you, and I hope someday you’ll at least acknowledge that I still exist. I know you’ll never come back to me. I know you won’t let me marry you. I understand—it’s too late. You can’t love me anymore. You have someone else now.

But I love you. I would give anything to fix things. But if I can’t have that, I wish more than anything that I could at least know you, be a part of your life in some way. But I understand. I know it’s what you want, and I can’t change that. Seeing you with him would only destroy me—destroy my heart and soul, and it would drive me to the edge.

Every single day is a battle now. A battle just to stay sane. I’m suffering more than you’ll ever know. How much I wish I could just hear your voice again, see your eyes, feel your lips. I miss your lips more than anything I own, more than anything I could ever have. I would give everything just to go back and hold you every night. I ruined my life. You were my whole world. I’m so sorry it took me so long to realize.

Monday, I’ll start my new job. I’ll be making enough to support you, to give you the life I always promised. I would be so happy if I could come home to you, see you every night, just be near you.

But I know it’s too late. And I’ll carry that pain with me forever.

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