Today, I feel like I’m making progress. I started playing Metaphor, and it’s been a welcome escape. It’s becoming clearer to me that nothing I do will change what Katarina has become. She chose her path a long time ago, and I have to accept that she is who she is now.
The reality is hard to face. I’ve come to realize that even if she were to come back, I don’t know how I could live with her or accept the choices she’s made. The purity, kindness, and love I once thought she embodied feel like distant memories now. We shared something special, and I was deeply enthralled by my love for her. She could have had anything in the world, but instead, she chose the bar scene, casual flings, and fleeting good times over the meaningful future I was trying to build for us.
I’ve finally accepted that it’s all over now. There’s nothing I can do to bring back the person I knew, and the truth is, I don’t think she will ever return to who she once was.
To protect my own sanity, I need to retreat into myself. I’m diving back into Kamen Rider Den-O, immersing myself in video games, and listening to audiobooks. These distractions are crucial for me right now; they help me distance myself from the pain and the harsh reality of what she did to me and my future.
I recognize that it’s time to buckle down and focus on my personal growth. I need to train my mind and body to be independent, relying on myself rather than on others who can take everything away in an instant. The repeated betrayals and the way she discarded me over trivial matters have left deep scars. It’s clear now that she had no real love for me—she was simply toying with my heart.
But I will rise from this. I will find a way to rebuild my life and focus on what truly matters. The past may be painful, but it won’t define my future. I’ll forge ahead, stronger and more resilient than before, determined to create a life that I can be proud of—one that reflects my true self.