Today was the hardest day yet, a day that tested every ounce of strength I have. This job is stretching me to my limits, but I’m giving 1,000% of myself. I’m figuring out problems I’ve never had to solve before, tackling challenges totally new to me. Being a maintenance engineer is demanding everything in me. And even as I push myself to become the best version of myself, to be capable, strong, and resilient, I know deep down it won’t be enough to make Katarina love me again.
It’s one of the hardest truths to accept—that she’s chosen someone else, that I’m not the man she wants anymore. Part of me knows it’s time to let her go, to let her become whoever she wants to be, even if it’s a version of her that feels unfamiliar and distant. She’s different now; she spends her nights in the bar, lost in drinks and smoke, surrounded by people who don’t know her the way I did.
I don’t know how long she’s been with him, or how much her life has changed, but I pray she’s found love, that he’s more than a fleeting comfort. I hope she’s safe, that the kindness and joy she once had are still in her somewhere, that she’s not drowning in a world of strangers and intoxication.
When I think back to when we first met, it’s as if I’m remembering someone else entirely. There was a time when she was my world, my inspiration, my light. She made me want to be a better man. She gave me a reason to push myself, to believe I could be more. And I tried, with everything in me, to be worthy of her, to be the man she deserved. But somewhere along the way, we lost each other. I was slow, cautious, waiting for everything to be perfect, not realizing that sometimes, waiting too long means watching something beautiful slip away.
I see now that it’s too late. She’s moved on, maybe even forgotten the life we once imagined. But a part of me still holds on to the memory of who she was. I wish, more than anything, that she could see the man I am now—the man I’ve become because of her. I wish she’d notice that all this hard work, this growth, this change, is because she once made me believe I could be more. But I know she’s not looking my way anymore; she’s chosen another path, with another man.
Still, that’s why I have to keep going. Even if she never comes back, even if the girl I loved is truly gone, I want to keep fighting. I want to honor who she was, and who I became because of her. I want to keep believing that somewhere, the memory of our love will carry me forward, giving me strength to keep going, to become the man I always hoped I’d be.
Prayer:
Lord, give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to hold on to what’s left of me, and the wisdom to grow beyond this. Help me to release what I need to, to focus on the path You have for me. Let me find purpose in this struggle, and let this pain be a step toward something better, something lasting. I know I can’t do this alone; I need You, God. Give me a reason to keep moving forward, to keep fighting, to become someone worthy of the love and dreams I once held close. Amen.