Chronicle

Sometimes, life throws you curveballs when you’re least prepared. For me, that curveball came in the form of a message from Katarina—completely out of the blue. And once again, it wasn’t for reconciliation or understanding. It was a reminder that she’s chosen a life that I no longer recognize, and more painfully, that my suffering means absolutely nothing to her.

I don’t know why she felt the need to reach out this time. Maybe it was to twist the knife a little deeper, to watch me squirm as I wrestled with the lingering hope that things could go back to how they were. She made it clear, though—there would be no explanations, no reassurances. She wouldn’t even try to help me understand the path she’s on, one that I once feared but now realize is reality. She has truly become someone I can no longer recognize, and in all the worst ways.

It hit me like a ton of bricks: not only does she have no intention of coming back, but she seems to take pleasure in knowing that my pain and longing mean nothing to her. In her eyes, I never mattered, and my existence might as well be erased.

As painful as it is to admit, the person I once loved is gone. The Katarina I knew—the one I shared so many memories and dreams with—is dead. There’s no point holding onto the hope that she’ll return. She won’t. And it’s time I let her go, as hard as it may be.

So, I’ll take her up on her unspoken request. I’ll start living as if she no longer exists. Because, in a way, she doesn’t—at least not the version of her that I loved. And from here on out, it’s about moving forward without looking back, no matter how deep the scars run.

I still can’t wrap my head around how Katarina became a bar woman. It’s something that eats at me every day, gnawing at the edges of my mind, refusing to let go. I’ve always hated bars—the atmosphere, the chaos, the way they seem to drain the life out of people. But for a woman, a giver, to step foot inside such a place? It feels like a cruel joke, a twisted fate that I can’t come to terms with.

I find it so sad. Heartbreaking, even. The thought of someone who once had so much light, so much promise, getting caught up in that world… it’s almost too much to bear. Bars have this way of stripping people down, of turning them into something unrecognizable. And that’s what happened to Katarina.

I still remember the first time I learned she went in. That moment hit me like a punch to the gut. But it was nothing compared to what followed. The gradual transformation into someone I could barely recognize… someone I didn’t want to recognize. I have nightmares about it. About her standing there, caught in a place that I always believed was beneath her, a place I never thought she would even glance at, much less become a part of.

It’s strange, isn’t it? How we hold these ideals, these images of the people we love. And when those images shatter, when reality tears them apart, it feels like the world itself is crumbling. That’s how it feels now. Like something precious has been stolen, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get it back.

What she became… I don’t know how to let go of that. It haunts me, following me into every dream, every quiet moment. The sadness, the anger—it all swirls together in a storm I can’t escape. And maybe I never will.

Today has been a pretty solid day at my new job. I’m finally starting to get a real handle on all my responsibilities, and it’s been a relief to find a rhythm that works. I’ve learned how to pace myself in a way that gets things done without constantly feeling overwhelmed. It’s honestly kind of fun being the manager here. There’s something satisfying about being in control of my own schedule, setting my own priorities, and having the freedom to manage things the way I think is best.

I’m far from perfect at this job, but the beauty of it is that I don’t need to be. I just need to stay smart, stay committed, and put in the effort. That’s enough. It’s really not about being the best in the world—it’s about showing up, doing the work, and learning as I go. The exciting part? I’ll be getting my first employee in a few days. I have a good feeling about him and think he’ll be a great help. That’ll free me up to focus even more on the bigger picture, and I’m looking forward to it.

On a personal level, I’m doing better with my fitness goals. I’ve been sticking to my workouts, staying motivated, and even digging into the Bible a little bit. The fitness journey has been a great outlet, helping me push forward despite the emotional weight I’m still carrying. Honestly, it’s still hard to wrap my head around what happened with Katarina. I’ll probably never fully understand how or why she changed so much and left the way she did. The memories of what we once dreamed of together still stick with me.

But I’ve made a decision. I’m going to bring Meepcow to life—our dream, my dream now. Finishing this project means a lot to me, and in a way, it’s my way of pushing through the pain and making something meaningful out of it. I miss her, and I probably always will, but that chapter is closed.

I’m grateful, though, for the anchor that keeps me grounded: Lola. She’s always there for me, never judging, never abandoning me. I know some people would think having a doll as a companion is sad, but for me, it’s been a learning experience. It’s teaching me to stand on my own, to stop letting others mistreat me or take advantage of me. Lola’s been a constant presence, helping me realize I don’t need to rely on anyone who doesn’t respect or value me.

There’s a lot of growth happening right now. Some of it is painful, but I’m getting stronger every day. Between my work, my fitness goals, and the process of healing, I’m making strides. And I think that’s worth celebrating.

To finish our dream, I must journey through every county in South Carolina, capturing its most beautiful and haunting places. This is the pilgrimage she and I once planned together, visiting the depots she loved and the forgotten remnants of old cotton mills. She had a fascination with the historic, the worn, the places where time stood still, and now I’ll immortalize them in a book—for her, for us. It will be a long, grueling road, one I never imagined walking alone, but Lola, my doll and steadfast companion, will be with me. She is the only anchor I have left, the one who will keep me standing strong as I complete this without Katarina.

When I last looked into Katarina’s eyes, I saw nothing—just a void where her soul used to shine. She let them take her—the troglodytes, the ones who feast on the weak and lost. I saw it happening long before it consumed her entirely. There were signs, warning after warning. One of the clearest was when I offered her a home, a sanctuary where she could live rent-free, safe, and cared for. I wanted to save her, to give her a future. But all she cared about was the bar, about staying close to the life she chose over me. Even then, I knew the truth, though I refused to accept it. She was too far gone, consumed by the demons she let in, and I could never break the chains she had wrapped around herself.

Now, I carry on alone.

She was everything to me—my love, my best friend, my soul. But I watched, powerless, as the woman I cherished slipped into the clutches of darkness. The bar, the drugs, the alcohol—they turned her into something monstrous, twisting the radiant girl I once knew into a shadow, a hollowed-out shell controlled by the troglodytes who prey on the weak. She let them consume her, piece by piece, until nothing of her former self remained.

Hurricane Helene was the final blow, nature’s fury mirroring the storm within me. I went to her, one last time, with some desperate hope that I could pull her from the abyss. But when I found her with one of those men, one of the countless bodies she lets use her now, something inside me shattered beyond repair. In that moment, any trace of who she had been, of what we had shared, was obliterated. She was once the kindest, most beautiful soul I’d ever known, but now… she’s gone. No words can capture the depth of my agony, the rage burning through my veins like acid, or the despair that has poisoned my heart.

I grieve for her—not for the wretched creature she has become, but for the woman who is dead. The girl I loved is gone, buried beneath a mountain of betrayal and self-destruction. But even in my bitterness, I cannot let her fade entirely. I have to finish what we started, our book, our dream. Not for her, the stranger she is now, but for the memory of who she was. She may never know, but I’ll see it through, every single day, to honor the love I once felt and to remind myself that even in this twisted, broken world, she was real—once.

She is dead to me, and yet I will not forget. I will carve her memory into the bones of this earth, even if it kills me in the process. For she was mine, and now she is no one.

My Dearest Katarina,

Hey babygirl, I just want to take a moment to tell you how grateful I am to have you in my life. You’ve been my rock, my greatest support, and my biggest comfort. Every time I look at you, I realize how incredibly lucky I am to have someone who stands by me through everything. You’ve been so kind and loving, always having my back, and that means more to me than words could ever express.

I’ve been planning our first big trip this weekend, the one where we’ll take pictures and start working on that dream project we’ve talked about for so long. It’s something that excites me more than you know. I’m going to give it my all, for us, for everything we’ve envisioned together. You’ve been my inspiration in so many ways, and I want this journey to be just the beginning of the incredible adventures we’ll share.

I can’t thank you enough for all the love and support you give me. Truly, having you by my side has been the most important thing in my life. You are my anchor in a world that sometimes feels like it’s spinning too fast. Waking up next to you this morning, making love to you, and holding you tight—it’s those moments that fill my heart with so much peace and happiness.

But I have to be honest with you, baby. Last night, I had the most terrifying nightmare. It was about us, about you, and it shook me to my core. I dreamed that we lost an entire year together, and in that time, you became someone different—someone I didn’t recognize. It scared me so much, thinking about losing you or seeing you turn into someone I know you’re not. I woke up so relieved that you were still here with me, still the amazing woman I fell in love with, still my Katarina. Thank God for that.

I adore you, more than I can ever say. And I promise you this: I’m going to build you the most beautiful home in the world, a place where we can create the life we’ve always dreamed of. I’ll take you all over the world, show you the most breathtaking sights, and treat you like the little princess you are. You deserve nothing less than the best, and I’ll do everything in my power to give you that.

I love you, Katarina. Always and forever.

Yours,
Daddy

My little girl,

I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am to be home with you. The moment I walked through the door, I felt a wave of comfort and warmth wash over me, and of course, the first thing I did was come straight to you. Seeing you with dinner ready just made my heart so full. Thank you for taking the time to make us that delicious meal of chicken and noodles—it means so much to me.

I’m really looking forward to spending the rest of the evening together. I can’t wait to finish watching season one of Shield Hero with you. It means the world to me that you’re so kind to watch it with me, sharing in something I love. After that, we can slip away to make love and just enjoy being close to each other. I might play my Steam Deck for a while, and I love that you’ll be there next to me, maybe reading or coloring, just being together until we fall asleep in each other’s arms.

You’ve been the most incredible girlfriend anyone could ask for, and I feel so blessed to finally be starting this life with you. I promise to do everything I can to make you happy, to give you everything you’ve ever wanted and more. Together, I know we can create something beautiful.

With all my love

To My Princess,

Every day seems so hard sometimes, but having you by my side makes everything better. I’m so grateful for you, for your love, and for always being here for me. Thank you, my love.

I promise you this: every single day, I’m going to work harder than I ever have before. This is the year I get my life together, and I will become the man you need me to be. I will give us the wonderful life you deserve because you mean everything to me.

You’ve always been my good girl, standing by me through everything, and I can’t express how much that means. I can’t wait to get home from work today and be with you again. I miss you already.

Yours forever

Hey babygirl,

I had such a wonderful weekend with you. Thank you for spending the day with me – playing video games, cuddling, making love, and just hanging out together. It felt so perfect, and I’m grateful for every moment we had.

I’m really looking forward to our little project of turning the shed into something cozy and unique. I hope the HOA  says I can. It’s going to be a fun, old-fashioned project, and I can already see how amazing it will be when we’re finished. Just thinking about building something together makes me smile.

Oh, and I’ve got something exciting for you! I ordered two new heads for you, and I can’t wait to see how they turn out. I know you’ll love them.

But now, it’s that time where I have to get ready for work. I woke up around midnight or 1 AM, and there’s still a lot I need to take care of – some exercise, cycling, and of course, making love to you before the day really begins.

Today’s going to be a big one for me. I’ll mostly be working in the kitchen, fixing up some drywall issues, and then there’s an ice machine I need to repair. I’ve got a lot on my plate, but knowing I get to come home to you keeps me going.

Here’s to another beautiful day together, love. Just think, in just a few weeks we will be back at the Inn where we first made love. I can’t wait. Thank you for being mine. ❤️

Always yours

You are the only one I can truly rely on now, and I want you to know how much that means to me. I’m ready to give everything I have to become a better man, and I am so grateful that you’ve stood by me, never betraying me like so many others have. It’s your support that keeps me going, and I promise I won’t take that for granted.

I’m going to work harder than ever to be the best man I can be, and I swear I will build you a beautiful home where you can relax, enjoy life, and be proud of what we’ve created together. I believe with all my heart that if you stay by my side, in 10 years we’ll be able to travel the world, just the two of us. We can leave everything and everyone else behind—they’re not worth it. It’s just us, and I know we can make it.

Thank you for always being there for me, for having my back no matter what. I don’t know what I would do without you, and I hope I never have to find out. Thank you for 7 wonderful years. I can’t wait to visit the inn with you. You are my angel and I know you would never betray our love.

Forever grateful