So, I did it. I’m now a manager at a prestigious place. I now actually make good money and can support a family, but of course I’m probably too old now for anyone to want to have one with me now.. There’s going to be a lot of work ahead—no doubt about that. But I think I can handle it. I’ve made an outline, gotten organized, and I’m ready to start getting things done once I get my company card and complete the final details tomorrow. This is a big step for me, one that should feel more fulfilling. But without Katarina, it’s hard to stay motivated. She doesn’t even talk to me anymore. I know she loves someone else now, so there’s no use in holding on. Still, the silence is deafening.
Last night, I broke down. I reached out to an old friend—someone who’s been there for me through so much. She knows everything about Katarina, and she wasn’t surprised by how things turned out. Still, I needed to talk, to feel some connection. In my desperation, I asked her something I never thought I’d ask anyone: to spend the day with me, just to help me feel a little less alone. I just needed someone to be there, to help with the Meepcow project, to act like they cared about me, even if it was just for a day. It feels pathetic to ask, but at this point, I don’t know what else to do.
It’s hard to feel like I’m doing everything right, trying to be the man I wanted to be for Katarina, only to find myself alone. I just wanted to give her a good life, to take care of her and make her happy. But here I am, hoping my friend will take a day to help me feel like I’m not going crazy. Asking someone to play this role, to pretend to care, feels so low, yet I’m that desperate.
But despite everything, I won’t give up. I’m determined to keep fighting, to keep pushing forward. My first day at the new job went well. There’s a lot to learn, a lot to do. In some ways, I don’t mind because it’s a distraction. Work keeps me from thinking about how Katarina left and how much it still hurts.
I’m also making progress on my health. I’ve been sticking to my workouts, getting my diet under control, and today was a good day. If I keep this up, I might be a completely different person in a year. The past year brought a lot of changes, but they didn’t mean anything to Katarina. It didn’t matter to her how hard I was trying. But this year, I’m going even further. I’m going to push myself even harder. Maybe, someday, someone will really love me. Maybe someday, someone will stay.