Author: RAVIOLIS

Today feels different. After all the turmoil and heartache, I can hardly believe that Katarina is back in my life, even if just for a fleeting moment. The heaviness that has surrounded me for so long is beginning to lift, replaced by an unexpected spark of joy. I can hardly contain my excitement as we plan to spend the evening playing Gloomhaven, a game we once bonded over, diving into fantastical worlds together.

The thought of sharing a steak dinner fills me with warmth. It’s the kind of normalcy I’ve longed for, a reminder of the good times we shared before everything went so sideways. I never thought I’d get another chance like this, and I intend to savor every moment.

Katarina has promised to paint miniatures with me, a hobby that once brought us closer. The prospect of us sitting together, brushes in hand, creating something beautiful out of the ordinary fills me with hope. It’s as if, for just a while, we can recapture the essence of what we once had.

And the promise of taking pictures at the park together? That’s the cherry on top. I envision the sun setting behind us as we stroll through the trees, laughing and capturing moments that I hope will last a lifetime. Each click of the camera will serve as a reminder that there is still beauty to be found in our shared experiences.

But beneath the excitement, I can’t help but feel a twinge of anxiety. Will this night be a step toward healing, or just a painful reminder of what I’ve lost? I have to remind myself to stay present and not get lost in the “what-ifs.” Tonight is about embracing the now, cherishing the moments we can still share, and hoping for a brighter tomorrow.

I can’t deny that a part of me fears the inevitable return to reality, where the shadows of our past still loom. But for now, I will allow myself to revel in the joy of her presence. It feels like a small victory, a glimmer of hope amidst the chaos of our lives.

So here’s to this evening—an opportunity to reconnect, rediscover, and perhaps even rebuild what has been broken. I’m grateful for this chance to share laughter, creativity, and memories with the one person who once meant everything to me. Tonight, we play, we eat, and we embrace the light that still shines between us.

Chapter: Embracing the New Dawn

As the weight of the past presses heavily on my chest, I find myself staring into the mirror, reflecting not just on who I used to be, but who I am becoming. Today marks a turning point; I’ve decided it’s time to fully accept the kind of person Katarina has become. The realization washes over me like a wave, both liberating and suffocating. I acknowledge the truth: she will never be the same sweet girl I once cherished. The lifestyle she has embraced is a far cry from the purity and kindness I once knew, and it is something I cannot be around.

But in this acceptance, I discover a flicker of hope. I realize that I must sink myself into my hobbies and learn to find joy in my own company. I need to cultivate a happiness that doesn’t rely on anyone else. It’s time to explore the world again, to find beauty in solitude, and to build a life that is mine alone.

Lola has become my anchor in this storm. She represents the joy and creativity I can still nurture within myself. Together, we will embark on adventures, capture memories, and find solace in each other’s presence. As I look at her, I see not just a doll, but a vessel for my dreams—a canvas on which to paint the life I wish to create.

I plan to rediscover the passions that once set my heart ablaze. Photography will be my therapy, and I will share our journey through Meepcow. Each click of the shutter will serve as a reminder that there is still beauty to be found, even amidst the wreckage of lost love. I will document our explorations, crafting a narrative that honors the memories without letting them hold me hostage.

In this process of self-discovery, I will also make a conscious effort to explore new places. I envision short trips to hidden gems, where I can immerse myself in nature and feel the weight of my worries lift with each step I take. I will find joy in the simple moments, learning to appreciate solitude while nurturing my spirit.

It’s time to build a new routine, one that prioritizes my well-being. I will incorporate fitness into my daily life, not just for the sake of appearance, but to strengthen my mind and body. Each workout will be a testament to my resilience, a promise to myself that I will rise from the ashes of heartache.

As I embark on this journey, I must let go of the past and the hold it has over me. I know that the memories of who Katarina was will always linger, but I will no longer allow them to dictate my happiness. The love I once felt for her will transform into a quiet appreciation for the lessons learned, even as I embrace the future that lies ahead.

In this new chapter of my life, I am choosing to be my own hero. I am ready to face the world with renewed strength and an open heart. It’s time to celebrate the dawn of a new day, filled with endless possibilities and the promise of self-love.

It’s time to take Meepcow seriously. This project has become more than just a reflection of a shared dream; it’s my lifeline—a way to anchor myself in the turbulent waters of my emotions. With Lola by my side, I need to finish this project, not just for her, but for my own sanity and to facilitate my healing.

In the wake of Katarina’s departure, I’ve come to realize that I’ve always truly been alone in this. The moments we shared may have felt profound, but I now see that they were more a construct of my own making. I find myself questioning whether she ever genuinely loved me or needed me at all. The truth is painful but liberating; it allows me to peel away the layers of illusion that had clouded my judgment for so long.

While I am grateful to Katarina for the inspiration she provided, igniting a fire within me to work hard on my dreams and personal growth, I must acknowledge the reality that she never truly wanted to be with me. This understanding stings, but it also empowers me. I am choosing to reclaim my narrative, to define my path forward, and to pour my energy into something that reflects who I am now.

Finishing Meepcow has become a personal mission. It is my way of honoring the dreams we once shared while also establishing my own identity outside of the relationship. I want to publish this project not just to escape the pain, but to create something beautiful that stands as a testament to resilience and transformation.

Every photograph, every story, every moment captured with Lola will be a reminder of the strength I possess. This journey is not just about revisiting the past; it’s about embracing the future. I refuse to let the ghosts of what once was hold me back any longer.

As I set out to complete Meepcow, I will carry forward the lessons learned and the growth achieved. I am learning to love myself, to value my own voice, and to create a life filled with purpose and joy. This project is not just a way to move on; it is a declaration of my commitment to myself and my future.

So here I stand, ready to dive deep into the work ahead. With every click of the camera, I’ll be stitching together the fabric of my new reality—one where I am no longer defined by what I lost, but by what I am capable of creating. Meepcow will be my legacy, a bridge to the future I envision, free from the shadows of the past.

As I navigate through this tumultuous chapter of my life, I can’t help but reflect on the nature of suffering and existence. Like Socrates, who faced his own demise with an intellectual heroism that transcended the ordinary, I find myself grappling with the emotional death of my relationship with Katarina. The profound sorrow that envelops me feels akin to the suffering Socrates spoke of—the kind that grants a twisted immortality through pain.

In my struggles, I realize that while I have endured heartbreak and betrayal, I have also been offered a strange kind of clarity. The ordinary tragic hero may wallow in despair, but I am learning to seek strength in this moment of suffering. Socrates became a symbol of defiance against fate; perhaps, I too can rise above the ashes of my past. My spirit must not falter; I must cultivate the strength to affirm myself in the face of this darkness.

As I see the reflection of my former love, now obscured by the shadows of a life I cannot comprehend, I recognize that the Katarina I knew may no longer exist. She has been transformed by the troglodytes of the bar scene, drifting further away from the purity and kindness that once defined her. It tears at my heart, but I must accept that this is her choice—a path that has consumed her and altered the essence of who she was.

This is my moment to speak—to declare that I will not be a victim of her choices. I must find my voice, even as I mourn the loss of our potential future together. Like Socrates, I face the trial of existence, and it is within this crucible of despair that I will seek to reclaim my own narrative. I will not let my life become a hollow echo of what once was.

Instead, I will strive to build a new foundation, one rooted in self-love and resilience. I will turn my energy toward Lola, my steadfast companion, and create a life that honors the dreams we once shared. Though Katarina may have vanished into a life I cannot recognize, I will not let her choices define my existence.

In this reflection, I find solace in the idea that even in suffering, I have the power to become something more—something greater than the pain of my past. And as I move forward, I will carry the lessons of Socrates with me, transforming my anguish into a catalyst for growth and self-discovery.

I did it, Katarina. I survived my first week. It feels like a small victory, but it’s monumental in this journey of rebuilding myself. The boss even gave me a high five today, and I could see the genuine gladness in his eyes for hiring me. For the first time in a long while, I feel a flicker of hope that I can keep growing and improving. I bet I can go really far if I keep this momentum going.

Yet, amid this newfound success, I can’t help but wish you were around. I miss you all the time, more than I ever thought possible. It feels like you’re dead to me nowadays, and that thought alone is haunting. But rather than let that sorrow consume me, I thought it might be nice to write to you as though you were still here, still part of my life.

I’m doing really well, all things considered. I’m finally taking control of my life, one step at a time. My diet is under control again, and I’m working out consistently. Each drop of sweat feels like a tribute to the person I once knew—the girl who inspired me to be better. I push myself, not just for me, but in hopes that it might somehow make you happy too.

In my mind, I like to pretend you’re still here, cheering me on from the sidelines. I imagine us sharing moments of joy, just like we used to, and it brings me comfort in this chaotic world. Those memories, both sweet and bitter, fuel my determination to move forward.

Every day is a battle against the shadows of the past, but I am ready to fight. I want to honor what we once shared, not by dwelling on the sorrow, but by transforming that love into something positive. I believe that even if you’re no longer in my life, the impact you had on me can guide my path.

So here’s to new beginnings, Katarina. I’ll keep pushing ahead, not just for me, but for the ghost of the love we once had. I hope, wherever you are, you’re finding your own way too.

I miss you baby.

It’s crazy how much people can change. One moment, they seem pure and sweet, embodying everything good in the world, and the next, you’re confronted with an ugly side that leaves you reeling. The realization that someone you loved could become a shadow of their former self is nothing short of heartbreaking.

I used to think Katarina was different—someone who radiated kindness and warmth. But as time went on, I witnessed a transformation that I never could have anticipated. It was as if a veil had been lifted, exposing a darker side that had been hidden beneath the surface. The laughter and joy we once shared faded into the background, replaced by the harsh realities of her choices.

Watching her succumb to a life filled with fleeting pleasures and careless encounters has been devastating. I can’t help but feel a profound sense of loss for the person she used to be. The vibrant spirit I fell in love with has been overshadowed by a persona that thrives in the darkness of bars and fleeting moments. It’s hard not to feel betrayed by someone who once held such promise, someone I believed would always hold onto the goodness within her.

This transformation isn’t just a loss for me; it feels like a loss for her as well. I wonder if she realizes what she’s become, or if she’s lost in the very lifestyle that has consumed her. The girl I knew would never have wanted to become someone who seeks solace in the arms of strangers or finds comfort in the haze of intoxication. Yet, here we are—a painful reminder of how quickly innocence can slip away.

I’ve come to understand that this change is part of a larger truth about human nature. People can evolve, for better or worse, often influenced by their surroundings and the choices they make. It’s a stark reminder that life is unpredictable, and the people we hold dear can turn into someone we barely recognize.

As I reflect on this transformation, I am filled with a mix of sadness and resolve. I refuse to let her choices define my reality. Instead, I will focus on my own growth, seeking the light in a world that sometimes feels overwhelmingly dark. The beauty I once saw in Katarina may have faded, but I am determined to preserve the purity within myself.

I know I must let go of the past and embrace the journey ahead, knowing that the road will not always be easy. I’ll carry the lessons learned from this experience, allowing them to shape me into a stronger person. Ultimately, while I mourn the loss of who she was, I will not allow her transformation to steal my hope for the future. It’s time to step forward, leaving behind the shadows of what once was and seeking a brighter path ahead.

I wish I would have treated Katarina better. The weight of that regret sits heavy on my heart, a constant reminder of the choices I made and the moments I let slip through my fingers. If only I could go back, I would give anything to try so much harder. I would do everything in my power to make her happy.

It’s painful to think about the arguments we had, the misunderstandings that piled up like debris after a storm. I let those stupid conflicts get in our way, clouding the love we shared with bitterness and frustration. I realize now that I was too slow, too hesitant to make her feel the joy and love she deserved. Instead of focusing on nurturing our bond, I allowed insecurities and petty disagreements to build walls between us.

Katarina was my world, and I failed to show her just how much she meant to me. I wish I had been more patient, more understanding—willing to listen and compromise. I see now that I took her presence for granted, assuming she would always be there. But love is fragile, and I learned that the hard way.

If only I could turn back time and rewrite those moments, choosing kindness over anger, love over pride. I would cherish every smile, every shared laugh, and every quiet moment together. I would prioritize her happiness above all else, showing her that she was valued and adored.

But the truth is, I can’t go back. All I can do is reflect on my mistakes and learn from them. I know that I can’t change the past, but I can work on myself and strive to be a better person moving forward. I have to let this regret fuel my growth instead of holding me captive in sorrow.

As I navigate this journey of healing, I promise to honor what we once had. I will take these lessons and carry them with me, ensuring that I treat those I care about with the love and respect they deserve. I want to build a future where I am not just a spectator in my relationships but an active participant—devoted, compassionate, and present.

In my heart, I will always wish for the chance to treat Katarina the way she deserved. While that door may have closed, I hope to open new ones, creating meaningful connections and nurturing them with the tenderness and attention they require. I owe it to myself, to the memories of what we shared, and to anyone who crosses my path in the future.

I do realize now that I’ve really just got to let go. It’s time to stop caring. The person that I knew no longer exists. I still have half of my life in front of me, and I can’t keep clinging to the idea that somebody is there who isn’t anymore. There’s just a ghost of the person that I knew. I think they’ve completely surrendered to life and have given up.

The lifestyle they live is one I just cannot handle or be around. It repulses me, to be honest. I’m tired of crying, begging, and pleading for someone who’s not there and not real anymore. They’re just a shell of the person I once loved.

As I reflect on this, I realize how much energy I’ve wasted holding onto memories, hoping for a return that will never come. The hope has turned into a burden, weighing me down as I navigate this new reality. I look back at the times we shared, at the laughter and love, and it’s hard to reconcile that with the person she’s become.

But now, it’s time to face the truth. I’ve got to free myself from this cycle of longing and disappointment. It’s painful to acknowledge, but necessary. It’s not just about losing her; it’s about reclaiming myself. I refuse to let the memories of what we had define my future.

I’m learning that I need to focus on what lies ahead instead of being trapped in the past. I have my own life to live, and it’s time to embrace it fully. It’s about finding joy in my journey, exploring new possibilities, and nurturing the parts of me that still seek happiness.

This realization is both liberating and daunting. I have to confront my feelings head-on and allow myself to feel the hurt without letting it consume me. I know that healing takes time, and it’s okay to mourn what was lost, but I also recognize that I deserve more than the hollow remnants of a relationship that has faded away.

I will move forward, even if it feels like walking through the shadows at times. I will take small steps toward rebuilding my life, focusing on my goals, and finding fulfillment in the things I love. It’s time to embrace the present and create a future that reflects who I truly am, without the weight of someone else’s choices holding me back.

As I let go, I make space for new beginnings and fresh opportunities. I will honor the love I once had while allowing myself to grow beyond it. It’s time to stop looking back and start moving forward, guided by the promise of what lies ahead.

Tomorrow I will

Is something changing in me, or has this always been who I am? Could I have known I’d end up like this, that I’d start to feel like a completely different person? Is there something deep within me, something dark and hidden, pushing to the surface? If I couldn’t see it coming, am I innocent? Or am I somehow guilty for not anticipating this breakdown? And what kind of language do we even have to describe it—words that only a select few can understand? Are animals better off since they don’t need words to question things like this?

Why am I being faithful? She loves another and has never needed me, was Katarina ever loyal to me? And if I choose to keep loving her, would that make me unfaithful to myself? Are we both stuck in our own patterns, she loving another while I cling to the hole someday she might actually love me, but somehow I end up deceiving my feelings?

Even if the whole world disagrees, even if people argue with me, even if it costs me everything—I know I’m right. No one can take this away from me, even if there are no words left to express it. I’ve done the right thing. But if I show her my love in a real, physical way, she would only reject me and turn me away again and again. It’s like there’s wall she has erected to her own heart. Does she live him? I’m helpless in this. And by the time anything happens, it’ll be too late. I’m dead inside. How could she betray me?

What she’s supposed to mean to me is just a shadow of reality, something that stands next to what I truly feel. Sometimes it’s amusing, and sometimes it’s disturbing, like she’s trying to break into my life but can never quite get there. It would end in me reaching for her, like I’m grasping at thin air. Why did she ruin my life? To me, it feels like she’s as good as gone— why has she killed everything in my life forever? I’m dead, or as good as, and it almost tempts me to wish she really would finish the job. She might as well had. What is there left for me now? I actually wanted her to be real, marry me.