Well, I did it. I went to Abbeville, took pictures of the places I had mapped out, thinking it would help somehow. But it didn’t. I just felt stupid. All I could think about was how pointless everything feels now. Katarina stopped loving me, and it’s clear that for months she’s been with another man. That’s why she’s treated me the way she has. It all makes sense now. It’s funny how women are like that—everything changes once they flip the switch for another man. Then you are nothing.
But I did it. I worked on our project, alone. I managed to get some of it done without her, even though it felt like pulling teeth. It was hard. Exhausting. I felt so stupid for loving her, for holding on to something that was long gone. But I’m going to keep going. I have to. I’ll keep working on the project Meepcow until it’s finished, even if it takes me years. I’ll chip away at it.
I got a few good pictures today, even though the world around me felt like it was crumbling. I saw a lot of destruction from the hurricane. So much has been torn apart, and it’s strange how the destruction around me mirrors how I feel inside—like everything is in ruins.
I don’t know what I’m going to do anymore. Everything seems so pointless now. But I’ll keep giving it whatever energy I have left. Maybe that’s the point—finishing something, even when it feels like there’s no meaning to it. My life won’t be that long in the grand scheme of things, and I need to do this for me, even though she’s abandoned me.
This is something I need to finish, for myself, even if I’m doing it alone. I hope my next trip will be easier. But the loneliness is unbearable sometimes, and the way she left me—without a second thought—hurts beyond measure. I really wanted to spend my life with her. Now here I am. I’m such a fool.