In just two days, I’ll begin the journey. The one I’ve been preparing for—retracing the steps of our shared past. I need to decide where to start, to find the first place we ever went together and revisit it. But I’m still unsure where exactly that will be.
We explored so many beautiful places together. We traveled through South Carolina, from the highest point on Sassafras Mountain all the way to the beaches. We wandered through abandoned places in Columbia, like that old psychiatric hospital, which has since burned to the ground. We walked through the crumbling cotton mills that no longer stand. We visited state parks, each one offering a new adventure.
There’s so much to choose from. Where do I begin?
One of our trips took us to Mediaeval Times, that quirky restaurant where you watch knights battle as you eat. She was so sweet that day, full of excitement and laughter. I remember her kindness, her smile. I miss that version of her—the one who was so full of love, the one I thought would always be by my side.
We even got a camper eventually. We started camping a lot, and those trips were some of the best times we shared. We’d make passionate love beneath the stars, surrounded by the peace of nature. She was wonderful during those moments. Those memories still bring a bittersweet smile to my face.
One of the more unusual places we visited was South of the Border, that strange roadside attraction with gas stations, bizarre rides, and all kinds of weird things in between. It was such a strange place, but we made it fun. We made everything fun.
There are so many places I could start. Some of them hold a special connection. She had a dog she adored, Ralphie. I never got to meet him, but she always talked about him with such affection. We used to dream of getting a dog together—a swamp poodle, or something like it. I don’t remember the exact breed now, but it looked like Ralphie. I imagined us adopting one together after we got married, imagining what our life would look like with a dog and maybe even a baby someday.
But now, that future is gone. I don’t think I’ll ever see her again, and if I do, it won’t be because she misses me. It’ll be because she’s angry or upset about something. She’ll never reach out to me out of love. I know that now, deep in my heart.
Yet, despite that, I miss her every single day.
The next step is deciding where to begin this journey, where I’ll retrace the steps of our past. It’s the first step toward healing, and I know it won’t be easy. But I have to start somewhere.