I think I’ve reached a place where I need to stop holding on to the idea that anyone’s going to stay. People have shown me, time and time again, that they don’t. And it hurts, yeah, but I don’t want to keep dwelling on that pain. Instead, I’m shifting my focus to the things that I know will be here, the things that give me something lasting.
Right now, work has become this solid part of my life. It feels like a place where I can channel everything without worrying about losing it. A good career matters—it can give you respect, purpose, a steady rhythm. So, maybe that’s one thing I can lean into. And my health? I think staying physically strong has a lot to do with feeling grounded, keeping my mind sharp, and just being here for myself. I’m realizing that when I focus on my health, it’s like I’m building a foundation, something no one can just walk away from.
And then there’s this project, the book I started with my ex. It’s strange to go back to something that was meant for two, but now it’s just me. Part of me wonders if finishing it will help bring closure, like taking all those memories and making them into something tangible. We’d traveled all over, collected these pieces of South Carolina, and now it feels right to go back, revisit those spots, and put my own words to the experience.
I think I’ll start with the biggest moment—the day I saw another man at her place. That was the day things changed. It marked the beginning of this journey I’m on now, to find meaning outside of love. I’m planning to take it step-by-step, to write each chapter as I retrace our journey, remembering what each place meant to us back then and how it feels to me now.
There’s something about this project that feels different than anything else. Maybe it’s because it’s just for me now. I’ll start gathering all the notes, the old photos, and memories, giving them a new life in this story. It’s like a puzzle I’m putting together, piece by piece, as I go back to these places and add new reflections.
It’s going to be hard, I know that. But I feel like if I can commit to this, if I can complete this project and maybe even find a way to share it, it might help fill that empty space.