Category: Diary

Today was one of those days where it felt like everything was hitting me at once. I found myself reaching for comfort in the strangest places – dark chocolate and steak, to be exact. Not exactly the healthiest combo, but hey, we all have our coping mechanisms, right?
Then, there was the social media thing. I saw my ex posting all these new pictures and it was a little weird, but honestly, I felt a weird sort of inspiration. It made me think about how far she’s come and it kinda lit a fire under me to keep working on my own stuff.
The whole situation had me thinking a lot about how life takes us on different paths. It’s been tough accepting that our paths don’t cross anymore, but I know it’s true. I’m slowly learning to be okay with it.
To top it all off, I had to stay late at work for a stupid meeting. I’m beat, but I’m hoping tomorrow will be a little less eventful.

Today, I’m finding it hard to keep my head above water. It’s one of those days where the weight of everything feels a little too heavy. I’m struggling to see the point of it all. The blog posts, the vlogs, the countless hours poured into hobbies – do they really matter? It’s hard to stay motivated when it feels like I’m shouting into a void.

Katarina’s absence has left a big hole in my life. Losing her support and friendship has made it even harder to stay positive. I miss having someone to talk to, someone who understands. It’s tough to keep going when you feel alone.

Despite these feelings, I’m determined to keep pushing forward. I know that giving up isn’t an option. I’ll keep working on my projects, one step at a time. Maybe someday, it will all be worth it.

For now, I’m just trying to stay focused and find joy in the little things. I’m not sure if I’m up for the picture project this weekend, but I know I have to try. It’s important to keep moving forward, even when it’s hard.

Time sure flies when you’re having fun! Today was another one of those days that seemed to disappear in the blink of an eye. I’ve been completely absorbed in Metaphor, this incredible new game that’s captured my imagination. I’m so hooked that I actually woke up extra early this morning just to squeeze in a few hours before work. Three hours flew by, and it was pure bliss!

Lately, I’ve been making a real effort to prioritize my hobbies and carve out dedicated time for them each morning. My current routine involves getting up around 1 a.m. (yes, you read that right!), hopping on my stationary bike, and catching up on some of my favorite YouTube channels. I love watching Jo Jo, Digimon vlogs, and fitness vlogs while I cycle – it’s the perfect way to get the day started. After my workout, I dive headfirst into the world of Metaphor. Those early morning hours, before the rest of the world wakes up, are pure magic.

Honestly, these hobbies have been a lifesaver. They provide a much-needed escape and help me keep my mind off the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on lately. My ex’s decision to end our relationship and her subsequent silence have been incredibly difficult to deal with. While I’ve come to accept the situation, the pain still lingers. Keeping busy and focusing on things I enjoy has been crucial in navigating this challenging time.

And speaking of busy, my work life is anything but dull! This week is jam-packed with a variety of tasks, from overseeing roof repairs and designing a new parking lot to tackling some electrical rewiring. The diversity of projects keeps things interesting and ensures that there’s never a dull moment.

Life throws curveballs, but finding solace in hobbies and embracing the challenges that come my way is how I’m moving forward. Here’s to early mornings, engaging hobbies, and the constant opportunity for growth and discovery!

Some days, the weight of absence is unbearable. Now that the finality of our separation is etched in stone, it’s a constant battle against despair. You were my universe, my everything. Even now, my thoughts are consumed by your memory.

To cope, I cling to a desperate hope. I delude myself into believing that if I strive harder, you’ll return. That you’ll finally see me as I am, and want me back. But deep down, I know it’s a futile dream. The harsh reality is that I am alone.

Yet, solitude is not entirely unfamiliar. I’ve spent countless hours in my own company. It’s a familiar, if often painful, state of being. Today, I find solace in work. I’m immersed in new projects, relishing the challenges of my managerial role. It’s a distraction, a way to keep my mind occupied and my heart somewhat at bay.

I hope you’re happy, wherever you are. I hope you’re living life to the fullest, pursuing your dreams. Though it pains me, I take comfort in knowing that you’re free to be yourself.

As I navigate this void, I’ll keep moving forward, one day at a time. I’ll learn to embrace the silence, to find strength in solitude, and to heal the wounds that time, I hope, will mend.

Today was a good day. A chill day, but a good one. I spent most of it diving deep into the world of Digimon. Remember those awesome digital monsters from back in the day? Yeah, they’re back and better than ever! I snagged some new Digimon toys recently, and honestly, they’re kind of amazing.

It’s not just the nostalgia factor (though that’s definitely a huge part of it). These things are like the ultimate fidget toys. They keep my hands busy and my mind engaged, and honestly, they’re a great way to stay off my phone. I’m even thinking about starting a YouTube channel dedicated to showcasing all the different evolutions and cool features. Stay tuned for that! 😉

But the real highlight of my Digimon haul has to be the new Digivices. Seriously, these things are incredible. They take me right back to my childhood, and I can’t help but think about… well, let’s just call her Katarina. She was someone special, and I know she would have absolutely geeked out over these with me. Sometimes, I like to imagine us battling our Digimon together, laughing and having a blast. It’s a nice thought.

Katarina’s not in my life right now, but I hold onto the hope that we’ll meet again someday. Until then, I’m focusing on being the best version of myself. That’s why I’ve been hitting the gym (and the pavement) hard lately. Today, I crushed an hour-long bike ride while jamming out to this awesome new anime called “Dan da Dan.” It’s got this amazing energy, and it actually reminds me a lot of Katarina.

Speaking of Katarina, she was the one who really helped me find myself. She was my best friend, my rock, and she always believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. She inspired me to be strong, and that’s something I’ll never forget. So yeah, the biking, the weightlifting… it’s all part of becoming the kind of person I know she’d be proud of.

I’m doing my best to keep moving forward, one day at a time. And who knows, maybe someday soon, Katarina will walk back into my life. Until then, I’ll keep the faith, keep grinding, and keep those Digimon evolving!

Whew, what a day! Today was my designated “catch-up-on-everything” day, and boy, did I ever catch up. My to-do list was a mile long, but I powered through like a chore-conquering superhero! 💪

First up: Operation Trash Removal. Sayonara, garbage! It felt amazing to haul all those overflowing bags and bins out to the curb. My house instantly felt lighter (and smelled a lot better!).

Next on the agenda: Garage Transformation. This was a big one. My garage has been a dumping ground for, well, pretty much everything. But no more! I channeled my inner Marie Kondo and decluttered like a boss. Now, instead of a chaotic mess, I have a clean, organized space ready for at-home workouts. Bring on the burpees! 🏋️‍♀️

Of course, no chore day is complete without Laundry Mountain. Mount Washmore is currently shrinking as we speak, thanks to my trusty washing machine. The satisfying hum of the dryer is music to my ears. 🧺🎶

And because all that hard work requires fuel, I also tackled Meal Prep Madness. My Instant Pot was my best friend today. A big batch of chicken thighs is ready to go for easy meals throughout the week. And for a protein-packed snack attack, I hard-boiled a whopping two dozen eggs in my Dash cooker. 🥚🥚🥚 (Maybe I went a little overboard on the eggs, but hey, a superhero’s gotta have snacks!)

The best part? I managed to stay focused and productive without dwelling on things I can’t control. It feels good to be in charge of my day and my own little world.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, this superhero needs some rest. 😴

Today is Friday, and I’m relieved the week is finally winding down. But, if I’m honest, it’s been one of those heavier days, the kind that tests every ounce of strength I have. It’s hard to face the end of a busy week without you. In moments like this, I feel the weight of your absence more deeply than ever, and I can’t help but wish, even after all this time, that you were still here to talk to, to share in life, to lean on. I feel your presence in the quiet spaces between meetings and in the solitude of my office, and though I know you’ve left my life forever, there’s a part of me that still clings to the hope that things might have been different.

Today, I’ve mostly buried myself in paperwork, organizing my workspace to keep myself occupied and distracted. There’s a lot of satisfaction in tidying up and making order out of chaos, but it can only keep me focused for so long. After lunch, I’ll dive into some real tasks—catching up on overdue projects, tying up loose ends, attending a few meetings—but beneath it all, there’s a dull ache, a reminder of the life that could have been, had things turned out differently.

Days like today make me reflect on how much I wish you had chosen me, had seen what we could have been together. But I remind myself that life doesn’t pause for us to catch up. I have to keep going, even if it’s just one step at a time. I’m learning, slowly, to live without you, finding new ways to feel whole on my own. Some days, like today, it’s hard, but I’m staying strong. I’m allowing myself to feel the loss, to acknowledge the space you left behind, while also striving to find a path forward.

I truly hope you’re well. I hope that you’re finally living the life you always dreamed of, unbound and unburdened, free to be whoever you need to be. Maybe I was holding you back in ways I couldn’t understand then, but I can now. And even though that realization stings, there’s a strange comfort in knowing that you’re free, that you’ve found a path to become who you’ve always wanted to be.

For me, it’s just another Friday. But maybe, in time, these Fridays will start to feel lighter.

Reflecting on some of our past arguments, I’ve come to a realization: you began to drift away a long time ago. You were already halfway out the door, but I clung tightly, hoping you’d return to the person I used to know. I’m sorry I couldn’t let go then. I was holding on to the memory of who we were, imagining that you’d come back around. But it’s finally clear to me that the person I once loved isn’t coming back—and maybe that person no longer exists.

It’s time I stop clinging to the past and, instead, turn my focus inward. I’ve spent so long hoping for something that would never happen, all while neglecting the most important relationship in my life: the one with myself. Love, as I knew it, has faded. I doubt I’ll find that deep connection again, but oddly, I’ve come to terms with it. The world moves forward, and I’m learning that I have to move with it.

From here on, my focus will be on building a life that’s fulfilling, on my own terms. I’m making big plans to improve myself, my home, and my career. I’m finally ready to invest in the things that will help me thrive—things I should have prioritized long ago.

The next couple of years are going to be dedicated to self-discovery and growth. I’m going to work hard to build a future that I’m proud of. It’s not about proving anything to anyone else; it’s about finally taking care of myself in the way I deserve. I’ll be learning how to love myself, and with that love, I’ll nurture my goals, my passions, and the life I want to create.

I know there will be difficult days, and I won’t pretend that every moment will be easy. But I also know I’m ready to find peace.

Learning to Live with Your Absence

As time passes, I’m gradually accepting that you’re no longer a part of my life. There are moments, though, when I find myself wanting to reach out, just to hear your thoughts. I imagine the things that might cross your mind these days, but I know, realistically, I’m probably far from your thoughts. I wonder how you felt when Trump became president again—did you even care? These small things I wish I could ask you, little pieces of you I miss.

Every day has been an exercise in survival. You’ve taken something irreplaceable from me, leaving a part of myself hollow and missing. You truly were my world, my better half, and now I’m trying to rebuild without the foundation we once had. It’s surreal, crafting a new life without even the comfort of hearing your voice.

Someday, I hope you might see the effort I put in every single day, working to piece myself back together. I want you to know that even though everything fell apart, I never lost sight of how truly remarkable I thought you were. There was a time when I believed you were the best part of my life, someone rare and wonderful. It still stings to know that the life you’re leading now is so far from the dreams we once shared. I’ve had to force myself to let go of the person I once loved, the memories of you that I cherished.

I’ve started to think of you as someone who no longer exists—the girl I loved is dead and gone, replaced by someone I no longer recognize. That version of you that I adored, that I would’ve built a life around, has faded. Accepting this has been easier than dwelling on how it all unraveled, how the future we’d envisioned slowly slipped away as you drifted toward choices I could never understand. It’s painful, knowing you’re someone I can’t reach, someone who chose a path I’d never imagined you would.

It broke my heart to see you transform, to watch as you became a stranger who spent nights in bars, always looking for the next thrill. I never saw you as the kind of person who would find solace in that life. To reconcile the girl I loved with the choices you’ve made now—it’s been impossible. And so, I let myself think of you as gone, not in a bitter way, but in a way that lets me finally move forward.

With each day, I try to hold on to the parts of myself that remain, to find strength in a world without you, even if it’s a world I never wanted.

As the days grow shorter and the air gains a crisp edge, I find myself counting down to what would have been our seventh anniversary. There’s an excitement in the nostalgia, a bittersweet yearning to retrace the steps of our early days together. I’ve decided that this year, I’m going to revisit some of the places that became markers of our story—those seemingly ordinary spots that became extraordinary in the glow of our shared moments.

I know I won’t be able to cover every memory, every corner of the past, but I’m determined to visit the ones that matter most. The store where we found that perfect jewelry box, for instance, a simple trinket that still holds echoes of laughter and love. I’d love to locate the pharmacy where we shared an impulsive, carefree moment, stealing kisses in the back of my car, wrapped up in the heat of new love. And of course, there’s the place where we first kissed—a spot that seemed to make time stop—and the bed and breakfast where we first became vulnerable and real with each other, leaving no barriers between us.

This journey isn’t just a one-time pilgrimage. It’s something I want to make part of my life, a way to honor you and the profound role you played in shaping me. I want to capture the spirit of who we were, and who you were to me—someone who brought light, laughter, and adventure into my life. Visiting these places will be a way of preserving that, even if it’s just for myself.

And while I’m at it, I plan to take it further. This holiday season, I’m finally going to the Biltmore Estate, a place of grandeur and beauty we always dreamed of visiting together but never did. And next year, I’ll be heading back to Charleston, a city I wish I could have shared with you. I know in my heart that you would have fallen in love with its historic streets, ocean breezes, and hidden gems waiting to be discovered. It’s a trip we never took but always deserved.

These visits won’t fill the emptiness, but they will allow me to embrace it, to acknowledge the love that once was and the person you were—the person who transformed the mundane into magic. Maybe in doing so, I’ll find a sense of peace or, at the very least, moments of joy in reconnecting with pieces of our story.

For now, though, the day’s responsibilities call. There’s work to be done, and life, as always, moves forward. But even as I push through my daily routine, I hold onto that part of me that misses you, loves you, and honors your memory in the only way I know how—by living, remembering, and revisiting the story that was ours.