As the days slip through my fingers like grains of sand, I find myself counting each moment, each heartbeat, a reminder of what once was and what can never be again.
286 DAys
Each day feels heavier than the last, and the memories of what I once had haunt me relentlessly. My mind is unraveling in the shadows of my grief.
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For too long, I have clung to the hope that Katarina might come back into my life, that we could somehow rekindle what we once had. But as I reflect on the reality of our situation, it has become increasingly clear that I must let go of this hope and focus on my own personal growth. The painful truth is that Katarina has moved on, and I must accept that my path now lies in embracing change rather than waiting for what might have been.
In my studies of Kierkegaard, I am learning to see repetition not as a cycle of despair but as an opportunity for renewal. He teaches us to confront our past, to learn from it, and to find strength in our experiences. I am committed to applying these principles to my own life. Rather than wishing for a past that no longer exists, I will focus on becoming the best version of myself.
My goal is to cultivate resilience, embrace new opportunities, and invest in my passions—whether that be through my work, health, or my project “Meepcow.” I am determined to transform my pain into purpose, channeling my energy into positive actions that will lead to personal fulfillment.
This blog captures the random chaos of my life, the heartache, and the struggles I face each day since Katarina left and abandoned Meepcow. Slowly torn apart, I do my best to carry on without her and finish the dream we once shared. Here, you’ll find the raw, unfiltered reflections of a man trying to survive a world without the person he thought would always be by his side.
When I’m gone, this will be my legacy. If you ever wish to remember, to see how life unfolded for me, you’ll find it all here—my thoughts, my struggles, and how deeply I missed you. This space will remain, a testament to the journey I walked and the love I never let go of. If you ever want to save it, it will be here, waiting, just as I’ve always been.
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Thomas Feichtmeir, also known as cyangmou, is a professional game artist and co-creator of Fantastic Fetus. He has kindly allowed me to host his game on my website, and I would be grateful if you could support this talented game creator. Ko-fi Twitch Fantastic Fetus Support woman in Poland Aleksandra Jarosz-Game Designer Michael Hartinger-Music&Producer Sebastian Merkl-Programmer Thomas Feichtmeir-Visual Artist, Additional Game Designer